Tag: starting over

And It just keeps getting worse….

Before I actually decided on the divorce some major events happened. The first thing that happened was when he applied to have me put on child support. That was a huge shocker to me especially since I endured so much during my marriage. I dealt with his drug addiction, his alcoholism, him be neglectful as a father and through it all I never even once thought about child support or anything else that would degrade him as a father. As soon as he saw me in a vulnerable place he attacked me where he knew it would hurt. He knew that I was looking for a new home for me and my children. I never expected him of all people to behave like that. The second major life changing event that happened was him having me arrested for domestic violence.

Even before all of the court proceedings happened with the child support case, as if seeking child support wasn’t enough, he once again did the unthinkable. He had me arrested on a domestic violence charge. The memory of it all is still fresh in my mind. My daughter called me to take her to the library to print something for school. At first I told her to go to her grandmother’s home to print but it was no printer ink there. When she called me I asked her was her dad there and she told me he was not at his mother’s home. The reason why I asked was simply because I didn’t want to run into him because our encounters were becoming more and more difficult. Once I pulled up to his mother’s house he had gotten there. I’m not sure if he was told that I was on my way there or not but he was making it difficult to have any interactions with my children, even going as far as telling me that they can’t come with me or visit me at my mother’s house where I was living at during that time. Soon as I got there I see my son, who, I had given instructions to stay away from his grandmother’s house because of some issues that I was having with his uncle’s and his aunt. I walked over to my son who was sitting on the passenger side of his dad’s car and I was talking to him. At this time my husband wasn’t outside but I guess he saw me and he came out. He walked to the side of the car where I was standing and began saying things like his son isn’t going anywhere with me and he’s with his dad and I can’t tell him, my son, what to do. At that time I was fed up. I could not take anymore of his bullying and antagonizing behavior. He was in my face and I was so upset that my first reaction was to hit him and that is exactly what I did. Yes, I should have never put myself in that position or given him that much power over me to get that upset but I lived it and I learned from it. 

Once I hit him, and keep in mind, it was a light hit. He had no bruises or marks what so ever. He immediately began yelling saying that he was calling the police because I had assaulted him. If I would have known the events that I was about to go through because of a small hit I surely would have tried to do more damage. I asked him why would he call the police especially since he did many things to me and I not once threatened to call the police. The main reason why he called the police was because of the line of work that I was in. He knew that my employer had a very strict policy when it came to domestic violence and his intentions was for me to be terminated from my job. He later admitted this to me. Once he said he was going to call the police I didn’t know what to do so I got in my car and I left. I probably should have stayed there to give my side of the story but I didn’t. I went home in fear and in tears. I have never been to jail in my adult or been in this situation. I called him and begged him not to call the police and his response was that I was going to jail and I was going to be fired from my job. I was completely distraught. If I could write my emotions so that they could be felt I would do it.

Well, he did call the police but he didn’t press any charges which was silly and a waste of time. I didn’t go to jail that night. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even get arrested until a month later. I received a phone call from a detective and she told me to come in so that I could give my side of the story. I later found out that that was not the reason why she called me in. She called me in with every intention of arresting me. So I went to the police station and gave my statement and she said that my story didn’t match his story so I had to be taken down to the county jail.

My first time being arrested and it was by the hands of a man that I thought really loved me…..

So it begins…. Life couldn’t get worse than this.

It was done. I moved out of our home and into the home of my sister and mother. I didn’t think things could get much harder than this. I went from sleeping in a comfortable king sized bed in my home to now sleeping in a twin sized bed with my three nieces. Privacy was gone. Even though I no longer had the life that I was used to I was grateful. I was grateful because I felt like my was beginning to build that broken relationship with my mom and my sisters. On the other hand I felt alone and afraid. I was afraid because I knew my life was never going to be the same. I knew that my decision to leave would have a negative impact on my children because all they knew was me and their father together. Also, at this time I was growing closer with the guy in England and we talked everyday. He was one of my biggest support system. Let me be clear, he was not the reason why I divorced my husband. I divorced my husband because of my husband’s actions and the lack of respect that he showed me.

After I left my home, my husband did the unthinkable. If you go back to my first post I mentioned that leaving my children behind would prove to be a bad decision because my ex used it as leverage. Well he did just that. A few months after I left my husband he tracked me down at the gym and told me that he was putting me on child support. I was completely infuratied. To me, child support is put in place for parents that are not providing support for their children. At that time I was supporting my children, I was even paying the insurance for his car and the phone bills. Everytime I got paid I provided groceries and if the children needed something I did the best I could to provide. I mean, I’m not rich but I did what I could. I was also actively looking for a place to live so that my children could be comfortable when they came to live with me. None of my efforts were good enough for him though as he went ahead with the child support proceedings even after I begged him not to. I told him that I didn’t want the courts involved because to courts care nothing about our family. He of course didn’t listen and he did what he wanted to do. He even told me that God wants it to be this way since God doesn’t want us to be divorced.

I knew that all he was saying wasn’t true yet I was still trying to allow my heart to be open to the possibility of reconciliation however, I often compared my marriage to that of a glass plate and a hammer, me bing the plate and him being the hammer. A glass plate is sturdy in its own right if it handled properly and with care. If a person were to take a hammer and tap at it, it would chip, the chip would be so small that I may go unnoticed to the naked eye. If that same person continues to tap that plate, the chips would become more noticeable but the plate would still be somewhat in tact. But if that person continues that plate would eventually shatter to the point of it not being able to be repaired. I was that irreparable plate. Initially, I didn’t want to divorce but after seeing the type of person he turned into, divorce was the only option.

A man that loves his wife like he said he loved me wouldn’t do the things he’s done….