Tag: moving

So it begins…. Life couldn’t get worse than this.

It was done. I moved out of our home and into the home of my sister and mother. I didn’t think things could get much harder than this. I went from sleeping in a comfortable king sized bed in my home to now sleeping in a twin sized bed with my three nieces. Privacy was gone. Even though I no longer had the life that I was used to I was grateful. I was grateful because I felt like my was beginning to build that broken relationship with my mom and my sisters. On the other hand I felt alone and afraid. I was afraid because I knew my life was never going to be the same. I knew that my decision to leave would have a negative impact on my children because all they knew was me and their father together. Also, at this time I was growing closer with the guy in England and we talked everyday. He was one of my biggest support system. Let me be clear, he was not the reason why I divorced my husband. I divorced my husband because of my husband’s actions and the lack of respect that he showed me.

After I left my home, my husband did the unthinkable. If you go back to my first post I mentioned that leaving my children behind would prove to be a bad decision because my ex used it as leverage. Well he did just that. A few months after I left my husband he tracked me down at the gym and told me that he was putting me on child support. I was completely infuratied. To me, child support is put in place for parents that are not providing support for their children. At that time I was supporting my children, I was even paying the insurance for his car and the phone bills. Everytime I got paid I provided groceries and if the children needed something I did the best I could to provide. I mean, I’m not rich but I did what I could. I was also actively looking for a place to live so that my children could be comfortable when they came to live with me. None of my efforts were good enough for him though as he went ahead with the child support proceedings even after I begged him not to. I told him that I didn’t want the courts involved because to courts care nothing about our family. He of course didn’t listen and he did what he wanted to do. He even told me that God wants it to be this way since God doesn’t want us to be divorced.

I knew that all he was saying wasn’t true yet I was still trying to allow my heart to be open to the possibility of reconciliation however, I often compared my marriage to that of a glass plate and a hammer, me bing the plate and him being the hammer. A glass plate is sturdy in its own right if it handled properly and with care. If a person were to take a hammer and tap at it, it would chip, the chip would be so small that I may go unnoticed to the naked eye. If that same person continues to tap that plate, the chips would become more noticeable but the plate would still be somewhat in tact. But if that person continues that plate would eventually shatter to the point of it not being able to be repaired. I was that irreparable plate. Initially, I didn’t want to divorce but after seeing the type of person he turned into, divorce was the only option.

A man that loves his wife like he said he loved me wouldn’t do the things he’s done….

Moving out…..

The time finally came and after some very deep thought I decided that it was time for me to move out. Not because I wanted to end my marriage but because I needed time to think. I told my husband that I was going to move in with my mom and my sisters. Truthfully, I would have prefered if he would have moved out of the home, however, when I asked him to leave he told me that it was “HIS” house and he wasn’t going anywhere and since I was the one who had the problem that I should move. I do believe that he told me that because he really didn’t believe that I would move with my family, especially since he knew that my relationship with my family had be strained for many years. He made sure that it was this way and I constantly felt that I had to chose between him and my family for many years. After speaking with my mom and my sisters about me moving in with them, they all agreed that it was ok for me to do so.

The next hardest thing that I had to do was to leave my four children behind. Before anyone jumps to a conclusion. My children were older at the time therefore they were not babies. The decision that I made to move out without my children was the hardest thing I could have done but I did it because I felt that it was the best decision to make for them. Like I stated before, my intentions for moving out was not to get divorced but it was to get a clear mind and to get away from an environment that was becoming too difficult for me to live in. I never wanted to leave my children behind, but we had a house that we purchased together and I didn’t want to uproot them from their home because I needed time to gather myself. I thought that it would be unfair to them to pull them away from the home that we all knew and move them in my my mother and my sisters. One of my sisters has five children of her own so I didn’t feel like it was a real necessity to move them in with my mom as well. Later, that decision would prove to be a mistake as he used it for leverage. I will share that in a future post. Before I could move out he had gotten a new job which required him to have to be gone for about a week, we talked about it and I decided to postpone moving until he came back from his training. In that time, I had thought long and hard about what I was going to do and I felt that moving would not be the best option because I didn’t want to leave my children behind, I never wanted to move out. I was still in contact with the guy in England and I shared my plans with him. I didn’t mention it to my husband at the time because he was in training. I didn’t even tell my children that I considered moving out.

Sometimes some of the most important decisions to make are never the easy ones to decide on

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I had spoken to my husband a few days before he was due to come back in town. I asked him when would he be back and he told me that it was none of my business. It didn’t make any sense to me that he wouldn’t tell me his return date but I didn’t press the issue any, I knew we were having some problems and I didn’t want to start an argument with him so I left it alone. The next day came and I was sitting on my bed watching television when out of no where I heard screaming my name and then I heard banging on mt room window. He was back. The way he came screaming and banging on the window made me feel as though he was trying to catch me doing something in the home. That wasn’t the first time that I was accused of doing something. Him popping up on me expecting to find me doing something made me realize that I had to get out of the home. That is exactly what I did. I gathered my things and moved out of our home and moved in with my mom and sisters.

At first it seemed surreal. It felt like I didn’t belong there and I’m sure I felt that way because I knew that my family and I didn’t really get along but I knew that they wanted to be there for me when I needed them. Needless to say, the space was really crowded however, I was happy to be away for the madness that I was experiencing in my home. The worst part of everything was the fact that I couldn’t bring my children with me. I explained to them the best way that I could and each of them understood based on the level that they were at. Nonetheless, it was still very hard. I felt like I failed as a mother and the events that happened after I moved out would prove to be life altering and I was never the same……