What’s Next?

After going through the motions for several years, I have come to a place in my life where some things are not worth fighting for. I say this because as many times as I have tried to be peaceful and keep everyone around me happy, it wasn’t working for me. I felt like I was putting so much energy into a situation that was sucking the life out of me. I cannot say that I was completely unhappy because I had a lot of good things going for me. I had my career, I was standing on my own and brought myself a new car. I was happy to have been rebuilding my life the way I wanted it to be built. The only part of my life that I could not control or had a grip on was the relationship with my ex because he was unpredictable. Once I accepted the fact that he was who he was, I knew that no matter whatever I did to keep him happy or “at bay” would never be good enough for him. With the next understanding, I decided it was time for me to move and that is exactly what I did.

At my old apartment there were times where I would be arriving home from work and I would catch him in the parking lot sitting there. The very first time that happened, I was shocked and a little scared. I thought it was a one time thing but it kept happening. I finally started looking for a new place to live. Not only because of my ex but because of a neighbor of mine with whom I had a short relationship with. I’ll talk about that a little later. During my search for a new apartment, I came across several places that I liked. Most of them had long waiting lists. At this point, I thought it would be a good idea to move into an apartment with my sister. We were both looking and found something that was a bit of a distance from where I was currently staying. I started the application and during the process, I decided that it would not be a good idea to move in with my sister. I’m not going to lie, when I told my sister, she was really upset with me and she didn’t speak to me for almost a year after that. I didn’t blame her. She found the location of the apartment. She was prepared to go half on the bills and the down payment but deep down inside, I knew it was not a good idea.

I completed the application process, made the down payment and received the keys to my new apartment. What I did not do was tell my ex-husband where I was going to be living. I wanted freedom and peace. I wanted to rebuild my relationship with my children. I wanted to start all the way over and begin my healing process because I was broken to my core. I did not want to live a life where I was constantly looking over my shoulders, wondering who was watching me, in fear or wondering when would be the next time he would act up. I knew I had to walk this journey of healing alone and I had to find myself. I had been recently cleared of all charges, the child support modification had kicked it and things were starting to look good again. I received the keys to my new apartment and I was ready to move in.

Time to find some boxes, get a moving truck and pack up my things. I was leaving my small and cozy one bedroom apartment and moving into a three bedroom two bathroom apartment. I was so excited, until I realized that I was going to move all of these things by myself. When I moved in the one bedroom, I didn’t have any furniture so it was easy for me to move. This time, I had furniture and a lot of other things that I needed to move. I knew that I needed help moving but didn’t have many options. I did the next best thing and called my sister, her husband, and their children to assist me with moving. Also, my apartment was on the second floor and I needed help carrying everything up the stairs. Lucky for me, my sisters husband was willing to help me with all of that.

Finally, it was time to go…..

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