Yes. I have a stalker. I’ve heard people say some crazy things. I’ve heard crazy stories. Never would I have thought I would be in the position to say that I have a stalker. It’s not a good feeling either. Matter of fact, it’s scary. I remember the very first time it happened. I went out on a date with a friend and we had gotten back to my apartment late. He lived a distance from me so I decided to let him sleep over. My ex was calling and texting me continuously throughout the night. He had even said he was outside of my apartment. This was my very first date since I’d been divorced and I was trying to move on. He knew I was going on a date because at the time I felt like we were both in a place where we accepted our status. He had a girlfriend at the time as well so I told him I was going on a date and he was to keep the kids. Needless to say, me being naive, thought it was okay to let him know that I as going on a date. The entire night while I was out my phone was ringing constantly. I could barely enjoy myself. Once I arrived home, the calls did not stop. It felt as though he knew I had company over. Well, the calls continued into the morning. Of course I didn’t answer the phone. Once my friend left he called me and asked me what type of car my ex drove. I told him and he said to me that he thought my ex was at my apartment complex. Soon as I got off the phone, there was a knock at my door. Sure enough, it was my ex. I opened the door in shock and asked him what was he doing there. He admitted to me that he was outside all night and waited until my friend left. I was confused by his actions. He had a girlfriend so what was he thinking? What was the reason? I didn’t have the answers to that question but I knew it wasn’t right. This was the first time I was in this situation and I did not know how to respond. It made me feel uneasy to say the least. It also made me feel as though I probably would not have a relationship because he was still holding on to something that was clearly over.
After the first incident, there were several other occasions that took place. Eventually, I became weary and decided to pay him back. This went completely against my normal behavior, however, I was at my wits end. I tried everything in my power to avoid him. Nothing was working. It was to the point where I’ve caught him several times in my apartments parking lot driving around. Most of me catching him was when I was arriving home from work in the mornings. Now, I would understand his actions if I were leading him on or making promises that him and I would get back together, but none of those things were happening. We were done and I was trying to move on and adapt to my new life. I felt like he was stuck and didn’t really know how to move forward.
I couldn’t blame him completely. We were together for eighteen years so I understood his position and I tried to empathize with him. I even made excuses for his behavior just like I did when we were married. Nothing was working and things continued on like this for many months after the divorce was final.
After a while, I would notice that every time I had a friend visit, he knew about it. I could not understand how he would find out but he did. Most people would ask me why did I care or they would make statements such as, I’m single and divorced so whatever I do is not his business. I do understand that, all of their statements were true, but I also knew the person I was dealing with and his obsessive nature. I tried to keep my personal life away from him because I did not want any interference from him. Or should I say, I was trying to avoid conflict. Either way, I was trying to avoid the headache all together. When he started saying things like, ”I know you had someone at your house” and ” I know the car he drives and what time he came and left”, I was upset and confused at the same time. I later found out, he and one of my neighbors had became friends and the neighbor was the one who was feeding him that information. My ex had no problem admitting this to me at the time. From that moment, I felt uneasy, suffocated, and violated. I felt like I was trapped and there was no way for me to escape or get away. I began looking over my shoulders, driving around my parking lot when I would arrive home before I parked, I was afarid. It was those moments where I started to think about moving away. The last straw for me happened when I was at home and my friend came over. We were sleeping and out of no where I heard knocking at my door and on my window. I got up and saw that it was my ex. I was so upset so of course called the police. I also told my friend to stay in the bed because I did not want a confrontation. I called the police while he was outside and I took the police a while to arrive and when they did get to my apartment, my ex was gone and so was my friend, who was clearly very upset by the whole situation. I made a police report, showed the police the broken window, and went to my bedroom. It was at this moment that I decided it was time for me to move and when I did move, I decided that I would not let him know where I was moving to…..
Divorced. Now What? 