While my journey on co-parenting hasn’t been an easy one, I felt that some things could be improved on both sides of the spectrum. For one, our communication has been a real big issue between us. We couldn’t agree on anything. The kids school, how we should chastise them when they misbehave, etc. I feel if we can get a hold on our communication the relationship we have would improve.
For starters, as a child growing up, I seen my mother work hard to support my sisters and I. I learned that working hard should be a way of life and if I want anything in life I have to go and get it. That’s one of the many things I loved about my mother. Something else I’ve learned growing up was, nothing in life comes for free. Everything has a cost be it something small or big. On the other hand, he saw his parents work and give them whatever they wanted. Small things like this is what caused a lot of differences in the way we raised our children. He felt like our children deserved everything in spite of their behavior. I had such a hard time disciplining our children because it would cause us to fight based on our beliefs.
Moving forward to now being divorced, the conflicts continued to escalate. Now I was dealing with a disgruntled ex, trying to navigate becoming a single parent, and keep things as peaceful as possible when it came to dealing with the children. One example is when my oldest daughter came to live with me. We were fine until she got a job. I wanted to teach her how to be responsible so I sat her down and told her that since she has a job, it is only right for her to contribute to some of the household necessities such as toilet paper, food, or even some gas because I was transporting her to and from work. When she heard that, of course she didn’t like that and she decided to move back in with her dad. I didn’t have an issue with that because I knew what the goal was. He on the other hand told her that she didn’t have to contribute anything and let her move back in with him. A decision that he now complains about because he says she doesn’t help out in the house. I am not bashing him however, when I was trying to explain this to him back then the importance of becoming a responsible adult, he didn’t want to hear it.
I guess this purpose of writing this is to say, before bringing children into a relationship, be sure that you parties agree on how the children will be raised. My personal experience has taught me the importance of looking at the small things. Had I been smarter back then, a lot of the decisions I made as it relates to raising children would have been a lot different. My experience with co-parenting has been extremely complicated however, I always try to make the best out of every situation, even this situation.