I was still going in the process with the case from my arrest and the domestic violence charges the state brought up against me, the child support case and now, I was starting the process of divorce. As many would say, I had a lot going on and I have to admit, at the time I did. Everything was happening fast and at times it felt as though I would lose my mind completely. As a matter of fact, I was so overwhelmed with everything that I really didn’t care if I lived or not. Not saying that I wanted to die but I had lost my will to continue. Sometimes the only thing that kept me grounded were my children. I knew I had something to live for and I was determined to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It took about two weeks before he received the divorce papers. I found out he received them because he called me and told me he had them. He was not happy about it at all. It’s as though he felt like he could handle me however he wanted and I was supposed to sit back and allow it. I’ll admit, this was the first time that I had actually stood up to and challenged him and I know it was a huge blow to his ego. My intent was to never cause him any hurt or pain despite all of his efforts to destroy me and take away livelihood. I only wanted to be free from the marriage and the toxicity that was therein. He took it as a way of me getting back at him for putting me on child support and although me being put on child support gave me the push I needed to file the papers, it was never a way of getting back at him. I am not nor have I ever been a vindictive person. I was just tired of being mistreated and taken advantage of. I would say that I am pretty passive and I hate conflict. This however, was one fight I was willing to engage in.
The most hurtful thing that happened during this time was when he found counsel with someone in whom I considered a sister. His attorney was a woman that I danced and fellow-shipped with in ministry. Her and I danced many years together and when she accepted his proposal to represent him I was devastated. In spite of that I knew I had to proceed. I had my attorney talk to her attorney and things were beginning to move forward. It took months for me to reach this place and I’ll admit, for a moment I reconsidered the divorce all together. I decided to give us another try but that wasn’t a good idea at all, especially since he started dating someone else and I found myself in a far worse condition than I had been when I left.