So it begins…. Life couldn’t get worse than this.

It was done. I moved out of our home and into the home of my sister and mother. I didn’t think things could get much harder than this. I went from sleeping in a comfortable king sized bed in my home to now sleeping in a twin sized bed with my three nieces. Privacy was gone. Even though I no longer had the life that I was used to I was grateful. I was grateful because I felt like my was beginning to build that broken relationship with my mom and my sisters. On the other hand I felt alone and afraid. I was afraid because I knew my life was never going to be the same. I knew that my decision to leave would have a negative impact on my children because all they knew was me and their father together. Also, at this time I was growing closer with the guy in England and we talked everyday. He was one of my biggest support system. Let me be clear, he was not the reason why I divorced my husband. I divorced my husband because of my husband’s actions and the lack of respect that he showed me.

After I left my home, my husband did the unthinkable. If you go back to my first post I mentioned that leaving my children behind would prove to be a bad decision because my ex used it as leverage. Well he did just that. A few months after I left my husband he tracked me down at the gym and told me that he was putting me on child support. I was completely infuratied. To me, child support is put in place for parents that are not providing support for their children. At that time I was supporting my children, I was even paying the insurance for his car and the phone bills. Everytime I got paid I provided groceries and if the children needed something I did the best I could to provide. I mean, I’m not rich but I did what I could. I was also actively looking for a place to live so that my children could be comfortable when they came to live with me. None of my efforts were good enough for him though as he went ahead with the child support proceedings even after I begged him not to. I told him that I didn’t want the courts involved because to courts care nothing about our family. He of course didn’t listen and he did what he wanted to do. He even told me that God wants it to be this way since God doesn’t want us to be divorced.

I knew that all he was saying wasn’t true yet I was still trying to allow my heart to be open to the possibility of reconciliation however, I often compared my marriage to that of a glass plate and a hammer, me bing the plate and him being the hammer. A glass plate is sturdy in its own right if it handled properly and with care. If a person were to take a hammer and tap at it, it would chip, the chip would be so small that I may go unnoticed to the naked eye. If that same person continues to tap that plate, the chips would become more noticeable but the plate would still be somewhat in tact. But if that person continues that plate would eventually shatter to the point of it not being able to be repaired. I was that irreparable plate. Initially, I didn’t want to divorce but after seeing the type of person he turned into, divorce was the only option.

A man that loves his wife like he said he loved me wouldn’t do the things he’s done….

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